Is It Worth Spending Money On Animals To Protect Them

Hello Xiaoyu and thank you for this essay!

I think yous've worked difficult on this essay. Here are a few points.

Organization

Your organization is unusual and is a llittle bit of difficult work for the reader. I remember this is your layout:

Introduction (Thesis sentence is unclear)
Animals tin make money
Animals are important for biodiversity
Humans have issues and governments should help
Conclusion: we demand to allocate money

Only your third paragraph really answers the question . In the balance of the essay, y'all have facts side-by-side, but you haven't joined them together or synthesized them and evaluated them.

Yous've put a lot of endeavor into vocabulary, but your organization and ideas need more piece of work.

Discussion Selection/Discussion Form/Usage

Vocabulary: by and large, go for the simpler discussion and the simpler expression.

The writing is Not a vocabulary test - the main test of vocab in IELTS is in the Reading and Speaking tests: Reading checks your comprehension and Speaking your natural product.

In the writing, it'due south time to meet if yous can use unproblematic discussion properly, rather than try to melt a dish with the nearly complicated ingredients.

Simplify. Use the simplest vocabulary possible.

Don't say "In contemporary century" – say " today ."

Don't say "endangerment" - say " many animals are in danger " or "some animals are almost extinct"

Don't say "consumed" (every bit in "time and money have been consumed") - say " spent "

Clarify

You wrote:

Scientists take testified that extinct species appear to disappear forever, even though technology tend to exist rather avant-garde now.

Xiaoyu - what does this mean? "Extinct" means disappear forever. What exercise you mean by "scientists accept testified"? 'Testify' means to give bear witness in a court or to give an adjuration. Why not say "say" or "claim" or "report" or "warn"?

What does "tend to exist" hateful? What does "rather advanced" mean?

You need to go out out these phrases and requite your ideas. Don't employ them because it says to employ them in some book. Dump them and write real sentences with your own real ideas.

You wrote:

As for me, I am in favor of the former.

Don't use this phrase. You lot could apply it in a million essays, and it would nevertheless be wrong in all of them. What are you in favour of, exactly? It's an opinion essay, and we don't know.

Tell the reader what you are in favour of. Don't make the reader become back to find out, particularly when it's not clear. Continue your writing going forward and don't brand the reader jump around. Don't use any of these structures:

I am in favor of the former.
Cairo and Dubai are too crowded and besides expensive respectively.
The same factors can be summarized thusly.
I will explicate my reasons in the following paragraph.

Vocab in IELTS

There is no requirement in IELTS for complicated vocabulary . Here are the Lexical Resource bands for Levels v, 6, and seven. In Ring five, your vocabulary can be "express." If yous want a Ring 6, your vocab simply has to be "adequate."

At present in Band vii, 8, and 9 information technology's unlike. They introduce the idea of 'precision' and 'way.' Yes, the examiners are happy to see less common or uncommon words, but the words MUST be u.s.a.ed right, with flexibility and precision and way and in the correct situation. For Band 9, the criteria don't even say uncommon - they say "a wide range of vocabulary." And then you can utilise like shooting fish in a barrel words in Band 9 without fright.

The advice I can give you regarding vocabulary is to utilise the simplest vocabulary items you know. This will almost certainly mean that you volition use them right – in the right mode, and with the right prepositions, and in the right situation. This will guarantee y'all a Band 6 for vocab, and possibly fifty-fifty a Band vii.

Use complicated words but in the wrong fashion, and you lot will exist stuck at Ring Six. Really. Don't go learning off reams of new words to use in IELTS writing. Go and learn new words and then that you will recognize them in IELTS reading. But don't use them in the writing until you have used them a hundred times. The writing exam is not the time to exam out new or uncertain vocab.

Here are the official descriptors for IELTS Task 2 Writing (public version).

Clarify

Yous wrote:

Since well-nigh of the endangered species are arranged in protected natural habitats, reserves and zoos, they can assist to concenter more tourists if they have chances to survive.

Xiaoyu - what does this judgement mean? Are the animals that alive in zoos in danger? Should we protect the animals in zoos? I'yard not certain what you mean.

Over again I call up y'all have worked hard on this essay, but I'd like to suggest that you spend less time worrying virtually vocabulary and more on concrete ideas and examples.

Source: https://writefix.com/?page_id=2722/about-this-forum/ielts-writing-task2-animal-protection

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